iwearyourshirt.com

this guy is going to make $66795 over the next year all because he's going to wear someone else's shirt.

wish i'd thought of that.

no sooner did i make the pact

... we totally went shopping this weekend. while i kept it way under what i would normally when going to marshall's and kohl's, i still shopped. i kept it under wraps at target. but kohl's broke me down!

i had a nice outfit for saturday night's viewing of another gay sequel: gays gone wild, but it was an expensive one!!

so i made a pact with db2 this morning. together we will not spend. we will do this!

another gay sequel - we laughed, we were grossed out, but it was mostly just nice to see my gay homies and hang. some of them insist that i must see the first part in this series that it is much funnier. it can't be much grosser. butt plugs and puke. mm.

moving right along. the water park. well, it was fun. i do have a hilarious picture of me on a ride called "the edge," but db2 and i were both struck by how many areas of the park smelled of urine. straight up. the rides were fun, but i felt sick every time the wind would blow while waiting in line. i have a feeling they don't take care of the water there like they should. it was also pretty chilly at 79/80 degrees, and the water was even chillier! i don't think we'll be back at wet n wild. next time we'll buck up and head for myrtle waves. although, it might be just as gross. it has been many years since i've been there!

schlitterbahn spoiled me. db2 insists we must try the one in new braunfels and we must also go tubing. we shall see. we. shall. see.

oh. there was also a black tube that we went down, we raced each other (see picture in post below). i was informed that it "didn't hurt at all" and was a lot of fun. it was great until about half way down i somehow ended up flipped over and face down. i almost drowned, and it was pretty painful. i don't think i'll ride that one again. all in all, the dragon ride was my favorite. we rode that one twice, and i'd ride it again fer sure. especially if the water didn't smell like piss. :)

24 is a hard year

i think, for a lot of people, that 24 is a really tough year. i know that it's been a rough ride for me - in terms of what's going on in my head. the immediate outside world has been relatively calm; i technically own half the property i live in, i have a live-in boyfriend that helps to pay the bills and take care of the weenie dogs (and me ... when i admit to it), i bought a car earlier in the year - my dream car, and i have a mother that still provides me with a pretty steady stipend each month.

that's part of what makes 24 tough, for me. i don't have all the money in the world, but i don't really have to struggle either (monetarily speaking). i'm struggling in other areas, but i find myself questioning whether or not i should struggle more monetarily to prove myself. i mean, who would want to give up free money, right? but there seems to be a cost to accepting help from my mother. yeah, sometimes she will say something like, "well we really need to reduce this credit card bill." and i swear to myself that this month, this month i will not shop at target with total abandon. but target is so delicious when i go in, and i go in with this feeling of not being whole and needing to fill it with ... things from target.

i don't need anymore clothes or shoes, and that's the understatement of the year. people have beyond noticed that they don't see me in the same thing twice and can't recall the last time they saw me in the same pair of sneakers or high heels. hell, i can't recall the last time i wore a lot of things.

anyway, my point is that i'm provided for. hell, i'm pampered to the point of being spoiled, and sometimes i'm selfish and don't want to share. but i see that as a serious character flaw in other people. so why don't i hold myself to the same principle?

i'm incredibly hard on myself, and i play the victim so often because that's what's comfortable. that's what i've been doing for so long it's like an old shoe. i'd like to call myself out, but even when i do, i don't seem to really make a change. i guess i'll try one more time.

if you've got skeletons in your closet - you'd best learn how to make them dance. playing the victim is definitely a skeleton i need to make have the wiggles if i can't figure out how to dismantle it and move it out.

i absolve here and now to not shop for 1 month. will i cave? we will see. i must put away the jc penney, the forever 21, the h&m (which i can't even get to unless i'm on vacation), the TARGET! (lord have mercy), the ikea (if i could get to it), the fm goods and sounds, baker's, etc.

my reward for not shopping for a month will be to go thrifting in september. this is not just to save money, but to prove to myself that i can break this habit of filling empty with stuff. and to make 25 a little less of a conflict in my head.